Get more Likes with honey

In today’s world of selfie reflection we often get carried away with our online presence; seeing ourselves as important critics, often judging other people’s opinions harshly because they cannot see us, and then, when our posts are “Liked” by others, we feel validated. But what if online people could see us? What if our judgements were delivered in real time in a virtual HD kind of way? Would we be liked as much?

When we meet new people in our work or personal lives we strive to make  good impressions. Unlike our “mask of anonymity” online presence, keeping conversations going with new “real life” people can be a little awkward. Especially if we don’t agree with the other person’s point of view or ideas. We are told that we “get more flies with honey than vinegar” that networking is key to building fulfilling careers, that being happy creates positive relationships. So how do we build rapport and turn awkward conversations into positive, fulfilling connections? Or to put it another way; how do we get people to like us?

When we offer up our ideas or opinions, none of us like to be judged. We don’t like our thoughts and opinions to be criticised either. But what if we don’t agree with the opinions of the other person? What if the ideas and opinions were crazy and off the wall? How can we get this person to like us if we don’t like or agree with what they are saying? We are not hiding behind an online presence – we are present, right here, in an awkward conversation.

Well, a quick Google search will give you the answers, but to save you the the time I will tell you that listening is vital but validation is the honey that gets more “Likes.” When faced with an opinion that differs from our own; listen, validate, ask questions. Don’t judge!

Validating someone’s opinion or idea does not necessarily mean you agree with it – it means you are agreeable! And agreeable people are well liked. Validating an opinion that you do not like or agree with is about listening and asking questions. The questions don’t need to be deep, they can be as simple as; “That’s really interesting. I’ve never heard it explained that way before. Tell me how you came up with that?” (As much as you would like to; try not to say this sarcastically). Now you appear interested and when the listener appears interested the speaker feels pleasure, and when we feel pleasure we can’t help liking the one we’re with. We feel good. We like and we are liked!

One of the most important things we can do when we  engage in conversation, either with someone who has the potential to assist us in building our career or connect with us on a personal level, is to leave our judgement out of the room! When we hear judgements about our opinions and beliefs, the logical part of our brain shuts down and we prepare to fight. It’s the good old fight or flight response that we know so well, and my next blog will delve deeper into why we feel the need to judge!

“I love the village in my computer. There’s little validation in the day-to-day life of a writer; sometimes we ache for a connection” – Lisa Unger

One comment

  1. I was out last night and I was introduced to someone new. She was a petite, pretty, blonde Englishwoman in her mid 40s. Almost immediately she told me she was a former model. She said if it wasn’t for her there would be no Kate Moss. I politely said, “thats interesting. I haven’t heard anyone say that before. Why do you think there would be no Kate Moss if there had been no you?” She explained that she was 5’61/2″ ( five foot & 6 1/2 inches) and that Kate Moss is 5’7″. “I was the first short model in the UK” she added, “and there would be no Kate Moss if it wasn’t for me!” Ok so she had a big ego and I could have told her that, or I could have asked her what happend to her (that she didn’t get famous like Kate Moss), but I didn’t. I validated her statements by enquiring about her opinions, and she left the room sometime later but not before giving me a big hug!
    So someone with a large ego likes me. Big deal you may say, but you never know; this woman may help me, at some stage, as I traverse the choppy waters of my life. And who am I to judge anyway? #5’2″ #model

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s